|
Now, on with the show.
I came into this class as a result of my first choice being cancelled, this class being recommended by a friend. I´ve just learned never to do that again. Different strokes for different folks. (One person just turned in their exam. I could quite possibly . . . no, now two people, this might not be as long as I had thought.) I entered on my first night, the biggest classroom I have ever been in, moving chairs and all. Color me impressed. I encountered a short man with a loud voice who liked himself a lot. Let me reemphasize that . . . . A LOT. He came across as sort of pompous and that rubbed me the wrong way, but he had a good sense of humor, and I soon discovered that the pompous attitude had a very valid root. He was extremely smart and in his own strange way, caring, too. There was only one problem, what he was saying didn´t grab my attention. He knew what he was talking about, this much I knew, but for the life of me I couldn´t get as passionate as he was about the subject matter. I admire him a great deal, but I had a tendency to doze off due to my intellectual short comings.
Now, I don´t know if it is just me, but I have always had a problem learning something before I want to learn it. Stubbornness I guess. I know what this man was saying was important, and I knew the EXTREME basics of the words that were spoken, but, it was like trying to teach a 3 legged chicken with crossed eyes and a learning disability to do the East Coast Swing. My brain was like a kelvar vest, and the knowledge the bullets(maybe I´m being a bit melodramatic, but its so fun).
I´d like to go on and tell you about how my mom used to dress me up as a female #625-xx-xxxx and make me dance in strip clubs when I was 3, and how every time I hear the song "Rocket Man" by Elton John I wet my pants and forget my name for 3 hours, and about that one day I woke up in a gutter on the other side of the country, wearing a pink tutu with a naked Barbie doll in one hand and a mangy old dog going to town on my leg and no recollection of the past 3 months except for the name Kaiser Sozay. I´d love to go on for pages about these things, but none of them are true to anyone but me.
I would like to end this elaborate "F" by once again saying that, though I have come close to, or succeeded in, failing your class, I still can see that you are an excellent teacher and a very knowledgeable man. I only wish I could have been in the right mindset to appreciate your work. Maybe someday I´ll be back. Maybe not. But whatever the case may be, just keep on doing what you are doing, cuz we appreciate you. Thanks for your time if you got this far. Thank God for recycled paper. Thank Bob Dole for giving us someone to make fun of and thanks to Hunter S. Thompsen for letting us know what´s really going on. Rant over. I´m outta here.
If you want to keep reading--a bit sadder and not as clever an essay--here is a final exam from Fall 1997:
I am sorry Doc,
I cannot answer any of the questions. I was thinking about coming in tomorrow
for your last final, but one night of studying won't really help. This is
my first semester at Ohlone fresh outta high school. I don't really have
to say this, but I did not try as hard as I should've. To tell the truth,
I dunno why I even took this course. I guess I was always confused about
politics so I wanted to know more. Your lectures helped me understand a little
better about the gov't and how it works. I won't say I wasted my time or
money here because I came what I intended for--to learn. That's what I did.
I'm just not good with this test stuff. I took gov't in HS and I wanted to
learn more. Funny how I got an "A" in that class. This will probably
be the last PS class I'll take, time to work on my major---Marine Biology.
Yeah, I know, laugh all you want, I want to be a lawyer, but I know I don't
have what it takes....Oh well, thanks alot Doc. I hope you have the time
of you life....
OK--How about another from Fall 2000? Some great stuff in this one & a
bit more humor.:
The truth is I have been the most unmotivated Ohlone student this past course
section; resulting in my non-active approach to this curriculum. Which is
amazing because I would like to major in history but God forbid I should study
for this test. No, I am not making excuses but underlining the fact. So I'll
continue to write to save some face from my peers being the first soul to
leave the class. Because no one in Gods name should be done with one of these
essay questions in a twenty minute time. I earned an A on the last
exam now I will be lucky to get credit for getting my student Id. number correct.
Some credit is better than no points at all.
So for the remainder of the exam I will go ahead and dump on you my woes of
a 19 yr. old Ohlone College student trapped in hell known to many as Fremont.
Now is the point you can choose to stop reading.*
Dr. Kirshner I really don't know what it is that brings me to these points
in my academic career. You being a member of the doctorate elite can maybe
help me in some way. I posses the potential for academic excellence but always
seem to fall short making the cut. I don't know if it's just a full fledged
case of ADD or what but I can not seem to keep myself motivated long enough
to get the hell out of here. I hold in my arsenal the capabilities to be the
top percent but just can't sit still long enough to do what needs to be done.
For example I have taken Algebra I three times and will have to take it a
fourth time. The problem is I just don't go. These are the times I
wish I didn't argue for my independence with my parents so they would
tell me when to do homework. (Bold print is mine--Dr. K)
I will retire this dragged out journal entry, as people are beginning to filter
out. Thank You Sir and I bid you ado. God speed---
Oh? please don't write F too big on my paper.
Surprise, I'm so not prepared for the final! Once again I've given up on another semester at a Junior College. With this being my third attempt, I figure this is my third strike. Now I'm out. You're probably wondering why I even continued to come to class or why I',m here writing this right now. Simply because I've enjoyed your classes/company. You have by far been one of the best teacherIS 've ever encountered. I started out with four classes and now I'm left with only yours. If that doesn't tell you something then I don't know what will.
I've always loved history. To hear stories about events that have really happened and shaped the world we live in today has always amazed me. I've just never been good at remembering dates and things like that. Being in your class and listening to your lerctures and smart-ass remarks made me crave the next class session just to see what new material you'd put on the table.
When class first started I wasn't working full time. Then my job and schedule got crazy and school wasn't at the top of my priority list. I was really dissapointed with myself because I know school is something that I'd like to conquer and complete, which I already should've by now. Although money is something I also have to conquer seeing though I need it to survive. life stinks!
I think that traveling Europe this past year also helped me to stay in your class. Sometimes when you'd be lecturing and speaking of Germany or Italy, I could picture myself there again. To be in your class was like visiting Europe again and it made me feel happy. The entire time in Europe I was a different person because of how happy I was and you would help to bring that feeling back to me. I should thank you because it is a feeling that I had never had before Europe and was scared that I would never have again. Now that school has ended for me I guess I'll have to look else where to get what I've been getting from your classes. Think about thatputs me in the deps of despair because I'm scared I may not ever be able to find it again, unless I return to Europe of course.
Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind about giving up on school. It just seems like such a slow process that it makes me not want to waste my time and money. Maybe you'll be seeing me again. I may just have to visit abnd sit in on one of your lectures. Wouldn't that be fun! You wouldn't chargew me, would you?
Thank you for everything Dr. Kirshner. I wish you the best of luck in your already fulfilled life. Have a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year. I'll be seeing you.
FROM FALL 2006
I am fully aware that I have no chance of passing this class. I hope you are fully aware that I'm a smart-ass. . . . I will be shocked if I am the first to leave--my missive almost seems long in comparison. And it perhaps has required more thought.
I'll say now that I enjoyed your class, and perhaps will be seeing you in future semesters.
A SHAKESPEAREAN SONNET
When I do count
the clock that tells the time
It seems forever until I can leave
Sometimes I force myself to write
a rhyme
As I for my lost hours do often grieve
For what is this "science" I must endure
If not
some scheme to make them more money
Because I am not entirely sure
What this government class will do for
me
For mostly what he does is entertain
Though Kirshner's is perhaps an easy class
Time here should not be the
semester's bane
It may not matter if the prof is crass
For all one does to ensure one
will pass
Is pay attention to this short wise-ass
FROM SPRING 2007
To my humble disconcernment, I am unable to answer any of the following essay questions. It is not because you are a bad teacher but simply because I have not fully excercised my educational responsibilities and assets. I am currently the epitome of "it's not you, it's me." Tough your lectures were very thought provoking they were not mind sticking, but maybe that's just my lack ofshort term memory taking over. I enjoyed coming to your class to sit and learn and absorb myself in your lectures, stories and lectured stories that were sidetracked thoughts and opinions of yours but often the most interesting (even if I did doze off at times, but consider that a compliment as your voice is calm and your tone soothing enough to do so). I leave your class feeling as though I've gained much knowledge but still have trouble reveberating it and applying it. I would like to let you know that I did not intend to nor chose to fail this test ahead of time because I did make an attempt to study. But, there's only so much you can fit into a weekend plus Friday and this morning. <y study habits weren't top notch but I did review as much as I could and only retained most of Chapter thirteen ehich is not sufficient enough to answer the essay questions which is why I am writing this (duh). I am however taking this as a warning and a lesson for your future upcoming tests to study more and study well so that hopefully the next paper you see from me won't be another letter.
Also for the possibility of having a chance at saving my grade and because I'm "Asian" and have "Asian" parents, I will write on what I learned. :0)
I learned a lot about Louis XIV because somehow I came to the conclusion that you would have a question. To my dismay, you didn't. Actually, nevermind, everything is a jumblein my head and I don't know how to make everything sound right.
A grade is nothing without knowledge. I have the knowledge, but not suffice enough for a A. (for now :0) I'll try to prove myself worthy of knowledge next exam.
See you next class! Have a great day.
FROM FALL 2007
Interests groups function in the American political system by having an influence on the government. I have nothing else to write. You can stop reading here. The rest of what I am going to write is just to fill some space. If I got anything out of your class it is that I am not in high school any more and I cannot bull shit my way any more. I wish in high school teachers were harder on me back then. All the teachers loved the football players and I was a big part of my team. So, if I needed a better grade to play in the next game, I got it. From now on I will discipline myself more to put my work first and going out and having fun second. I now know that I entered the real world where I have to work for what I want and not have it handed to me. There was one time in high school where I was failing 5 classes I had 3 I's at my school that was the same as D's and 2 NC's, same as F's. And there was one week before playoffs started and if I did not bring my GPA to 2.0 I could not play. So, every day I talked to my teachers and one by one they raised my grades so by Thursday I had changed all 3 I's to C's and one NC to an I and the other to a C and I got to play. So maybe if I had my priorities different I would not have put myself in that situation and would not have been passing in the first place. So I think that is what I learned most from my first semester of college is that this is no joke and I get what I deserve. Well that's all I have to say -- have a nice holiday season.
FROM FALL 2009
Well, you got me. I spent my whole weekend studying for the test, and I should have expected that I wouldn't know the answer to any of the questions --life hates me that way. So, to pass time, I will drone on about random things. As I search around for clues to help me remember what the answers to these questions, I can't help noticing the notes written on my desk by some previous student. I could use these to cheat, but they would only be useful if you were a math teacher. So I guess that you don't give a damn if 12pi/6=2pi
Before I continue, I would askfor you to not write a big "F" on my paper. Perhaps if you could write it in the circle of the top left corner, I would greatly appreciate it. Now its time for me to tell my life story.
Well, my life isn't interesting. So how about I use this time to calculate what I'd need to score an "A" in this class? Actually, disregard the previous sentence, because I don't remember how much this test affects my grade, and I don't feel like erasing at the moment. Something I can do, though, is name all 493 (yes, there is that many) Pokemon, but not in order. Lets talk about the anime series instead.
I have spent a lot of my free time watching the anime series, since I am up to date with a lot of my favorite shows. I am currently on Season 8 (the "Advanced Challenge" one). My first complaint for the series is how it gives the impression that money grows on trees. Every episode, Team Rocket comes in with some new robot thing that is designed for capturing pikachu. Each of these robots get destroyed at the end of the episode, and each must cost at least several million dollars. But they always come back with a new robot! hat they should actually do is they should go buy a revolver, capture pikachu and shot the twerps. It's that simple.
Another thing that annopys me is how Team Rocket manages to get away with the simplist disquises. I swear, all they do is put on hat, and the twerps cannot identify them. You'd think that it would be simple to recognize them since a) Jesse's hair is a dead giveaway, and b) apparently they are the only two people that have either red or blue-purple hair (except for Misty's sisters).
Now lets talk about the Pokemon games. So far, there have been four generations of this game (Kanto,Johto, Hoenn, andSinnoh) When the 5th generation arrives, I will be curious to know what it will be. Technically, Pokemon has covered every possible type of legendry. There's Moltres, Zapdos, and Articuno (the 3 birds), Mew and Mewtwo (Mewtwo is a clone of Mew, Entei, Suicune, and Raikou (the 3 dog), Lugio and Hooh (2 bird-thingies), Celebi(unobtainable), Regirock, Regice, and Registeel (op parently, thet shaped the Earth), latios and Latias(I don't know what they are), Grordon, Kyogre, and Rayguaza (land, Sea and Air), Deoxys and Jirachi (from space), Mesprit, Uxie, and Azelf (3 emotions), Dialga and Palkia (space and time),Giratina (no idea), Regigigas (king of Regis), Heatran (no idea), Cresselia and Darkrai (dreams), Shaymin (nature), and Areceus (the God).
Well, That's all folk!
FROM SPRING 2011
I have no idea what I'm writting about but I don't want to walk out of class within the first ten minutes of class because than everyone will know that I failed. I'd truly prefer if nobody knew that I was going to fail. I should have studied, but I didn't do that either because I bought a book last night about buddhism and I was far to intriqued with that.
I'm trying to learn meditation and yoga to reduce stress (caused y your class, just kidding). There are seceral different stories about buddha. In fact some believe buddha was a skinny indian guy that used to be richbut than decided to live the life of a hoboto find inner happinessand peace. Othersthink that buddha is a big fat asian man. I prefer to followthe teachings of the indian version.
In meditiation, the goal is to silence the distractions of the outside world. To silence all distractions you are suppose to focus on your breathing and movements. Each movement has a goal of focusing your body to become one with the earth. There are movements to center your soul with the earth and each hand movementis suppose to bring your heart closer to the suns energy. The point of mediationis to find natural energy through circulation.
So that is basically what I learned last night instead of preparing for your test. I would apologize, but I'm sure you don't care because it is my grade, not yours. But I'll blow you away on the next test because I'll ace it! Yay! and now I will quietly at my desk until somebody turns in their essay before me so it won't be so obvious that I BS-ed a whole page :)
Questions, Comments, and/or Suggestions:
AKirshner@ohlone.edu
* This page last updated 7/7/12
